More Precious Than Gold: Imperishable. Undefiled. Unfading.

I write this sitting outside with no shower for the 3^rd night in a row. No water. I am to the point that I am wishing for a cold shower right now. With how hot it has been for the past week the thought of the freezing water splashing all around me and running through my hair sounds like a spa treatment.

The honeymoon is over.

It has almost been 6 months since I landed here at Plot 157 Kubamitwe, Uganda; 6 wonderfully trying months. I have been encouraged, strengthened, pushed, and confronted in ways that I never expected. But no, really, most of this I didn’t expect. I expected the cold showers, no showers, bugs, lack of Target runs, and the severe absence of edible sushi. I expected to be challenged in my walk with the Lord, to grow in my faith, and to make friendships that would prove to be invaluable.

What I didn’t expect was the burdens that would be transferred from those that I have come to love to my heart. I didn’t expect to spend days and nights feeling as if my head is couldn’t hold one more thought. I didn’t expect the guilt that I would feel at the fact that I have never suffered as these people, that I have a seriously difficult time identifying.  

I have lost people close to me before, either to death or the fracturing of a relationship for one reason or another. I have felt the pressure to make ends meet when it comes to bills, tuition, rent, and groceries. I have been sick before, or known people close to me who have struggled with illness; but everything that I search my brain for and identify as some sort of trial pales in comparison to what those around me are dealing with.

Death, illness, broken families, hunger, anxiety, and depression are rearing their ugly head in the lives of those that I have come to love and been given the opportunity to minister to. Everyone has a story and not many of them have a happy ending.

A couple of weeks ago an elderly lady in one of my Bible studies lost her daughter to a botched surgery to remove the baby that she had just miscarried. Esther, the lady in my Bible study, has a heart condition which causes her to have a heart attack about once a month. Her daughter was the one who rushed her to the hospital, which is about 45 minutes away, each time that she would have an attack, and would provide the money for the treatment. Now that her daughter has passed away Esther is grieved because she has lost her daughter and anxious because there is no one who can care for her now. There is only so much that I can do in this situation. I can’t go and live with Esther, I can’t have her move in with us, I could pay for her hospital fees, but her village is about 30 minutes away from mine, so if she was to somehow reach me when she has an attack, it would take almost twice as long for me to get her to the hospital. This is when helplessness sets in pretty hard.

It is somehow difficult to go spend the day with someone in the village and help them wash their clothes by hand, pump their water from a bore hole, cook their meal over a charcoal fire, dig their food from their garden, and then sweep the dirt floor of their mud home and then go back to my cushy house that has running water, a stove, and even a new washing machine that I didn’t know how I was going to live without.

I have spent many nights praying and asking God to heal those around me. Heal them physically, spiritually, and relationally; but what I have come to see is that God can truly use suffering in someone’s life to bring glory to himself and to grow that person in their faith. I can’t count the number of times that I have heard this whether in church or a counseling class, but for the first time in my life I think that I actually believe it. I have actually come to believe 1 Peter 1:6-7 when it says, “in this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in PRAISE & GLORY & HONOR at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

I really believe that our suffering, no matter how severe, is only for a little while. I see how it perfects our faith which is more precious than gold. And I have witnessed those who suffer choose, through their tears, to praise and worship our God who is worthy of glory and honor. God has been teaching me so much about trusting in his future grace. He is using the suffering of those around me to grow my faith and he is allowing me to witness the heart change of these loved ones who are struggling with things that I can’t begin to imagine dealing with.

As soon as I begin to feel guilty for the life that God has given me to live compared to the one that he has given to those around me I remember that we are all recipients of a future grace that proves this life to be temporary. The focus is not on the things that we have in this life, but how we glorify God in this life and hope for the one that is to come. I have learned to go without many things, but I have also learned to be thankful for the resources that God has given me and use them as selflessly as possible.

A quote from John Piper in his book Future Grace has served as a great encouragement to me these past few months. It says, “Only if we trust God to turn past calamities into future comfort can we look back with gratitude for all things…Be strong, and do not doubt that God will be as gracious in the future as he has been in the past.” I shared this with Esther as we sat and recounted all the ways that God has shown her grace in the past, and I was able to witness her tears turn from sorrow to rejoicing, she was not the only one who was praising God through their tears that afternoon. He is so good. He is so very good beyond anything that I can imagine or understand. The fact that we serve a God who can take terrible suffering and turn it into a glorious thing brings me comfort that surpasses all understanding.

Believer, contemplate your suffering today, whatever it might be, and rejoice. Rejoice because God is a loving, powerful, sovereign God who is for you, and secured for you a hope that is in heaven.

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

One of the nicer houses in the village. Bricks made by hand, built with love by the people who call this place home.

Cassava root. It looks gross, and sometimes it is, but it is a staple food around here. When in Rome...

Some kids from the nearby town. Who doesn't love a photo-op?

Village Profile: John Ntenderi

There is someone very special that I would like to introduce you to. His name is John Ntenderi. He is 16 years old and has one of the sweetest spirits in the village.  His dad died when he was 9 years old and so he is left with his mom, step dad and from what I can figure, 8 siblings. He is a hard worker and just finished Primary 7, which is basically like 8th grade. He will begin secondary school in February. John is a smart kid who loves Jesus and is kind to everyone he comes in contact with.

This is the look that stays on John's face most of the time.

Unfortunately, John doesn't get to enjoy most of the things that the other kids his age get to enjoy. He can't play soccer, he can't run around with the other kids, and he has to take it pretty easy when it comes to walking around standing up for too long. John has a swollen right leg that prevents him from doing any of these things and more. It has progressively gotten worse since birth, and because he family doesn't have much money at all, he hasn't been able to have it treated. 

John was one of the first people that I met when I moved here to Uganda in September. He was one of the first people at church in the morning, and came right up to introduce himself to me and ask my name. I couldn't forget the smile of this sweet kid. Later I was told by my housemate that he was in her Sunday School class and was a sweet, faithful kid. Then I noticed that he didn't really go out and play with the other kids and when I asked why they showed me his swollen leg.

It wasn't until one night I was at my house getting ready for dinner, and I heard John outside my door saying that he was hurt. When I went outside he told me that he had fallen off his bike and his arm was pretty bloody. So, like the gifted nurse that I am (sarcasm) I grabbed the medical supplies and cleaned the guy up. It wasn't a horrible cut, but it did need some attention. But, even after I bandaged it up, John was still saying that he was in pain. I asked him what was bothering him and he explained that the compression sock that he had been wearing on his leg in order to help with the swelling had lost its elasticity and wasn't doing anything anymore. So, after checking it out I told him that the next time I was in town I could pick him up a new one. But, I realized that it was only a temporary fix to his problem so I began to do a little research on his problem. 

John after his baptism. He was so excited to finally be baptized.

After Googling his symptoms and checking out what I could on WebMD, which is about the extent of my medical expertise, I figured out that John had a circulation problem and that we should have him go see a doctor so that we could get a proper diagnosis that didn't come from the internet. So off to Kampala we went. This was John's second time to the capitol, and I'm pretty sure that he was thrilled to get to go, even if it was to be poked and prodded by doctors. We spent the day running from one doctor to the next, getting everything from a general check up, to a heart echo, to ultrasounds on his leg. Eventually, we were able to figure out that he has something called Arteriovenous Malformation. Which basically means that when he was born the capillaries in his right leg weren't formed correctly so his veins and arteries aren't connected properly which causes the swelling because the blood isn't being distributed correctly. 

The doctor that diagnosed him gave us a referral to see the top vascular surgeon in Uganda to have a final test run in order to see if it is operable. Since we had just spent about 6 hours going from one doctor to the next, we didn't have time to go and see him that day, but we are going to be able to go in hopefully before Christmas sometime and see if we can get John's leg fixed. Unfortunately, the doctor said that he doesn't think that the swelling will go down all the way even if he can have the surgery because of all the damaged tissue from 16 years of swelling, but some of the swelling with go away and he won't have to deal with the pain anymore. 

He's definitely Ugandan, refusing the fork at all times.

 The hope is that John can have the surgery and be able to walk to and from school without being in severe pain, and maybe even play some soccer with his friends. He is such a sweet boy and doesn't let this thorn in the flesh hinder him from loving others and loving God. He has been to my house about 3 times since we returned from the doctors' appointments to thank me for loving him and trying to help his leg. Today he told me that even if his leg can't be fixed he will still be thankful that I took the time to try. I have learned so much from his perspective on life. John has challenged me to see all the ways that I can serve others even if there are ways that they can be serving me. John could sit around and use the fact that it's hard for him to walk as a reason that he shouldn't give of himself to those who could use a little love. There are so many smaller hurdles in my life that I am not willing to jump over in order to love others around me. Some days I wish that I didn't have to walk to bible study because it's hot, or I had a long day teaching. I can say now that when I am tempted to grumble or complain I will remember mine and John's long day in Kampala sitting and waiting all day, and how John never once showed that he was frustrated with the fact that we were not being seen right at our appointment time even if I was struggling to hold my tongue to the assistants working in the office. 

Please be in prayer for John as I continue to figure out how to best help him and get his leg healed. Pray that I would persevere as I figure out how to navigate the medical scene here in Uganda. Pray that John's doctors and surgeon would have wisdom and guidance as we move forward, and that there would be a solution to the problem. And pray that I would learn to never grumble or complain, that I would remember that every day is a gift and a blessing from the Lord.

Work Visa. Bed Bugs. Stolen iPhone. Rejoice. Repeat.

Learning to trust the Lord and see evidences of his grace in unwelcome situations is a lesson I seldom pray to learn. I understand the passages in the Bible that talk about rejoicing in your suffering, but I have never been inclined to pray for suffering. The last month here in Uganda hasn’t been what I would call “suffering” because I have been loving it so much and enjoying the time that I have here. But, I will say that the past two weeks have seen some very unwelcome situations.

Since I am going to be staying here for a year I have to apply for a work permit here in Uganda. The good thing is that I am not going to have to worry about applying multiple times while I am here, but the down side is that the process to be granted a work permit is a long one that requires a lot of persistence and patience with the Ugandan government and their employees.

The first step in this process is acquiring a background check, or as they call them, Certificates of Good Report. So, I go to the Interpol office in Kampala – a 3 hour trek from my village on bumpy roads – and wait in line just to get to the front and then find out that the lady has decided to go to lunch, which means that she may or may not come back, it really just depends on her mood for the day.

After learning this I emphatically expressed to the man working in the tent – yes, the office was in a tent – that I was from Luwero, and I had to come a long way to get here, so it would be great if I could be helped.

Well that caught his attention right away. He said he was originally from Luwero as well and he would love to help me. This turned into him running me around from one tent to another and getting all of these different people to weigh in on my situation which resulted in me needing to go to the US Embassy for an American Certificate of Good Behavior, then go to the bank and pay my fees and then come back to Interpol so that they could give me a Ugandan Certificate of Good Behavior.

My mind was spinning at this point. Which I guess he saw as his opportunity to get my number, because he then asked that I put my name and number on a piece of paper and he would contact me. So naturally I thought that it was official business so I took the bait, wrote down my information, and off I went flagging down the first boda man that I could find.

As soon as I arrived at the Embassy and survived the pat down at the gate I was greeted by a man who didn’t speak English – really? – but I continued to proceed to ask how to get my Certificate. He tried to communicate to me, but didn’t know enough English to answer my question, so he just handed me a piece of paper that told me to make an appointment for another day.

Discouragement was setting in pretty hard at this point.

Back on the home front, I am currently dealing with a bed bug situation that steals away hours of my sleep every night. We are waging war against these pests and while I think that we are gaining ground and seeing some progress, it’s still hard to wake up in the middle of the night itching and seeing 1, 2, sometimes 3 hours of sleep just disappear right before your eyes. But that’s the price you pay when you live in the bush and have an open door policy to whoever wants to stop by.

Then there was the trip to Kampala this past Saturday. All of the girls were going in to celebrate Laura’s birthday at a hotel pool then grab dinner. The trip started off with our brakes going out 20 minutes into the 3 hour trip, which meant that we had to drive slowly until we could make it to the mechanic. The Lord was gracious and we made it safely, but instead of waiting for the mechanic to fix the car Laura, Jackie, Bekah, and I decided to grab bodas to the hotel so we could go ahead and swim.

Naturally, my boda man was faster than the rest – I think it was his silky red shirt with the popped collar – and he took me on a route that I had never been before and before I knew it my friends were nowhere in sight. I was certain that he was taking me to some back alley to take all my money and leave me to fend for myself, but it turns out that the robbery wasn’t going to happen on the boda. He just wanted to take me the “beautiful route” by Lake Victoria. So, really it turned out that it was a really enjoyable ride and I arrived at the hotel right when my friends got there and we were all relieved that I hadn’t been abducted.

But soon after arriving at the hotel to swim I realized that sometime between entering and swimming for a bit that my iPhone had been stolen. I have no idea how it happened, and I don’t have the slightest clue as to who could have done it. All I know is that for 3 days now it has been in the hands of someone else and I will never see it again.

I had two options: I could make a big scene and ruin Laura’s birthday for everyone or I could just accept the fact that it was gone and move on. I realize that it’s a huge bummer that the phone is gone, that I can’t text my family and friends anymore, and I can’t Instagram (which is just so much fun), and that’s money that I can’t get back. But, I think that it’s really going to help me focus on my life here and not spend so much time trying to be in two worlds at one time. I think this can be a huge lesson in finding my satisfaction in God and not allowing it to ruin my attitude, upset me, or even worse, have a bad view of Ugandans, viewing them as thieves. But rather I should stay focused on why I am here: to love people and tell them about Jesus, and they don’t require I have an iPhone to do that.

God is good to teach me through things like this. He is good to give me opportunities to trust him. I’m not perfect and I can’t start to count the 1000’s of times I have responded wrongly, but I think God gave me grace in this situation to remember how blessed I am to be here and serve him and the people of Uganda. And that blessing comes with some bad knocks along the way, but not without his grace to press on.

God has given me grace to persevere through the work visa process, grace to wake up after a sleepless night battling with bed bugs and still have energy to face the day with excitement, and grace to remember that my iPhone is not meant to be a source of joy in my life. God’s grace has been evident these past 4 weeks and I am learning more and more how to lean on him and not on myself, in the good or the bad.

Really, losing my iPhone solved a little situation for me because the nice man from Interpol wouldn’t stop calling me and trying to find where I was staying, so now when he calls my number he’s only going to get a message telling him that the number is out of service. Praise the Lord, crisis averted.

God’s grace is sufficient for me; his power is made perfect in my weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insult, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)