The flight has been booked. It has
been booked for some time now, but I think that it is finally sinking into my
mind that in 117 days I will be headed west to see my home country again. I
will have been in Uganda for one full year and I am not sure that I can begin
to communicate how this year has changed me. I’m not saying that I am a different
person; fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I am still the same Jordan. I
still jump a little when a bird flies too closely to my head. I still can’t
stand the smell of celery or the taste of cilantro. I will still choose to
watch Rocky over any chick-flick produced to date. And as soon as I touch down
on American soil I am ordering a Venti Iced Dirty Chai and there is no stopping
me.
But spending a year in another
country, especially one that I have felt so at home in does change a person to
some degree. There are going to be foods that I crave that the American grocery
store won’t have. Hot days will rarely be cooled off by a monster rain storm.
My mornings won’t be filled with the sounds of monkeys playing in my back yard
or kids making their way to school. I won’t have the opportunity to walk to my
friends’ houses and sit with them over a charcoal stove while we prepare dinner
together. I can’t even take time to go see those friends who might
as well be considered family.
It’s a difficult thing when your
heart has two places to call home. There are people back in the States that I
miss on a daily basis and things about America that I wish I could bring to
Uganda (Target, dark chocolate, almonds, Kraft macaroni and cheese….just to
name a few). I am beyond excited to come home and see everyone and catch up and
enjoy the comforts of America. To not have to wonder if I will have hot water
when I step into the shower, or if I will have any water at all. To have
unlimited wireless internet practically everywhere I go. To be a citizen again
and not have to constantly go to the immigration office to update my visa. To understand what people are saying around me without having to use excessive hand
motions to fill in the gaps.
It will be so sweet to be home.
But then there’s the dilemma of what
I will miss. I will miss the cold showers after a long, hot walk home. I will
miss mangoes, matoke, avocadoes as big as my face, ground nuts and chicken. I
will miss the simplicity of pre-paid phones that take away the shock of an outrageous phone bill at the end of the month (I've gotten in trouble for that one too many times). I will miss the challenge of navigating
the city when I have to go in for my visa or any other errand. And although it
is so hard to communicate when you can’t really speak the language, I will miss
trying something new and learning and laughing so hard after you say something
completely wrong, but they still know what you mean.
It will be so
heartbreaking to leave home.
There are some legitimate fears that
come along with leaving Uganda. What is next? Will I ever be back? How many
things have changed back in the States? Will I be an outsider when I return?
All of these thoughts go through my head on a weekly basis at this point. I
have fallen in love with this country and the people that live here. Despite
all the frustrations that come with living in a developing country, I am still
drawn to this place. My prayer in this next stage of life is that God would
make things clear for the future and what it is that I will be doing next.
Please pray for clarity in my heart and mind and a willingness to go and do whatever
it is that God has for me to do.
“How lucky I am that
I have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” --Winnie the Pooh
"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."
--Anonymous
