One Heart. Two Homes.

            

The flight has been booked. It has been booked for some time now, but I think that it is finally sinking into my mind that in 117 days I will be headed west to see my home country again. I will have been in Uganda for one full year and I am not sure that I can begin to communicate how this year has changed me. I’m not saying that I am a different person; fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I am still the same Jordan. I still jump a little when a bird flies too closely to my head. I still can’t stand the smell of celery or the taste of cilantro. I will still choose to watch Rocky over any chick-flick produced to date. And as soon as I touch down on American soil I am ordering a Venti Iced Dirty Chai and there is no stopping me. 

            But spending a year in another country, especially one that I have felt so at home in does change a person to some degree. There are going to be foods that I crave that the American grocery store won’t have. Hot days will rarely be cooled off by a monster rain storm. My mornings won’t be filled with the sounds of monkeys playing in my back yard or kids making their way to school. I won’t have the opportunity to walk to my friends’ houses and sit with them over a charcoal stove while we prepare dinner together. I can’t even take time to go see those friends who might as well be considered family. 

            It’s a difficult thing when your heart has two places to call home. There are people back in the States that I miss on a daily basis and things about America that I wish I could bring to Uganda (Target, dark chocolate, almonds, Kraft macaroni and cheese….just to name a few). I am beyond excited to come home and see everyone and catch up and enjoy the comforts of America. To not have to wonder if I will have hot water when I step into the shower, or if I will have any water at all. To have unlimited wireless internet practically everywhere I go. To be a citizen again and not have to constantly go to the immigration office to update my visa. To understand what people are saying around me without having to use excessive hand motions to fill in the gaps.

 It will be so sweet to be home. 

            But then there’s the dilemma of what I will miss. I will miss the cold showers after a long, hot walk home. I will miss mangoes, matoke, avocadoes as big as my face, ground nuts and chicken. I will miss the simplicity of pre-paid phones that take away the shock of an outrageous phone bill at the end of the month (I've gotten in trouble for that one too many times). I will miss the challenge of navigating the city when I have to go in for my visa or any other errand. And although it is so hard to communicate when you can’t really speak the language, I will miss trying something new and learning and laughing so hard after you say something completely wrong, but they still know what you mean.

            It will be so heartbreaking to leave home.          

 There are some legitimate fears that come along with leaving Uganda. What is next? Will I ever be back? How many things have changed back in the States? Will I be an outsider when I return? All of these thoughts go through my head on a weekly basis at this point. I have fallen in love with this country and the people that live here. Despite all the frustrations that come with living in a developing country, I am still drawn to this place. My prayer in this next stage of life is that God would make things clear for the future and what it is that I will be doing next. Please pray for clarity in my heart and mind and a willingness to go and do whatever it is that God has for me to do. 

 

“How lucky I am that I have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” --Winnie the Pooh 

 "You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place." 

--Anonymous

It Was Always for My Sake

Easter is approaching. In the business of life I have really been caught off guard with how quickly it has arrived this year. We have been spending time in our Bible studies preparing our hearts for the weekend, but it still seems as if I have been completely unaware of the holiday’s arrival.

Today though we sat in a Bible study and listened to a detailed account of the crucifixion of Christ. It isn’t the first time that I have done something like that, but this time I did it while thinking on 2 Corinthians 5:21, “For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

For our sake. For my sake. 

 

Before I was brought into this world; before I was conceived; before my existence was even thought of, I put a man on a cross. My sin, oh how wretched it is, put an innocent man to death. That concept is a hard one to grasp because thinking before our existence requires stepping outside of our currently reality.

Many times when I think about what Christ did for me when he died, I think about it as him dying for whatever would happen in the future, not that he was dying for what he already knew was going to happen. That he was literally dying for sins that I had yet to commit, but were still known to him.

Easter is a time for rejoicing and a time for mourning. Mourning over our sin and how we are such imperfect people who need a Savior. And a time for rejoicing because our Savior came, and loved us so much that he drank the cup of wrath so that we never have to drink that cup.

I pray this is a reality in your life today; that you are rejoicing in the love shown by our selfless Savior.

I think one thing that the Lord has shown me since I have been out here is what a huge sinner I am. When you take time to go to another country to do ministry people always encourage you by telling you how brave you are, or how the Lord is going to use you in amazing ways. And while all of those things are comforting to the uncertain girl getting on a plane for an undefined period of time, they are also a slight distraction to the reality of the situation.

If anything, being out here in the jungle, confronted with many different situations and inconveniences, I have been floored by my sinfulness. This has been the fast track to sanctification, but I am ashamed to admit how many times I have failed and not responded in the way that I should. But, as always, God has been faithful to gently bring me back to himself and give grace.

This Easter I am reminded of my Savior and his selflessness. I am reminded that He didn’t die because I might be born and sin one day, but He died because He knew that He was creating me some 2,000 years later and that I was going to sin, but He wanted to save me.

Our God is all-knowing, sacrificial, spotless, and gracious in the way that He molds us daily. I can’t wait to celebrate these things this weekend with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Please be praying for the people that we are sharing with that their eyes would be opened to the fact that Jesus really did die for their sins.

More Precious Than Gold: Imperishable. Undefiled. Unfading.

I write this sitting outside with no shower for the 3^rd night in a row. No water. I am to the point that I am wishing for a cold shower right now. With how hot it has been for the past week the thought of the freezing water splashing all around me and running through my hair sounds like a spa treatment.

The honeymoon is over.

It has almost been 6 months since I landed here at Plot 157 Kubamitwe, Uganda; 6 wonderfully trying months. I have been encouraged, strengthened, pushed, and confronted in ways that I never expected. But no, really, most of this I didn’t expect. I expected the cold showers, no showers, bugs, lack of Target runs, and the severe absence of edible sushi. I expected to be challenged in my walk with the Lord, to grow in my faith, and to make friendships that would prove to be invaluable.

What I didn’t expect was the burdens that would be transferred from those that I have come to love to my heart. I didn’t expect to spend days and nights feeling as if my head is couldn’t hold one more thought. I didn’t expect the guilt that I would feel at the fact that I have never suffered as these people, that I have a seriously difficult time identifying.  

I have lost people close to me before, either to death or the fracturing of a relationship for one reason or another. I have felt the pressure to make ends meet when it comes to bills, tuition, rent, and groceries. I have been sick before, or known people close to me who have struggled with illness; but everything that I search my brain for and identify as some sort of trial pales in comparison to what those around me are dealing with.

Death, illness, broken families, hunger, anxiety, and depression are rearing their ugly head in the lives of those that I have come to love and been given the opportunity to minister to. Everyone has a story and not many of them have a happy ending.

A couple of weeks ago an elderly lady in one of my Bible studies lost her daughter to a botched surgery to remove the baby that she had just miscarried. Esther, the lady in my Bible study, has a heart condition which causes her to have a heart attack about once a month. Her daughter was the one who rushed her to the hospital, which is about 45 minutes away, each time that she would have an attack, and would provide the money for the treatment. Now that her daughter has passed away Esther is grieved because she has lost her daughter and anxious because there is no one who can care for her now. There is only so much that I can do in this situation. I can’t go and live with Esther, I can’t have her move in with us, I could pay for her hospital fees, but her village is about 30 minutes away from mine, so if she was to somehow reach me when she has an attack, it would take almost twice as long for me to get her to the hospital. This is when helplessness sets in pretty hard.

It is somehow difficult to go spend the day with someone in the village and help them wash their clothes by hand, pump their water from a bore hole, cook their meal over a charcoal fire, dig their food from their garden, and then sweep the dirt floor of their mud home and then go back to my cushy house that has running water, a stove, and even a new washing machine that I didn’t know how I was going to live without.

I have spent many nights praying and asking God to heal those around me. Heal them physically, spiritually, and relationally; but what I have come to see is that God can truly use suffering in someone’s life to bring glory to himself and to grow that person in their faith. I can’t count the number of times that I have heard this whether in church or a counseling class, but for the first time in my life I think that I actually believe it. I have actually come to believe 1 Peter 1:6-7 when it says, “in this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in PRAISE & GLORY & HONOR at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

I really believe that our suffering, no matter how severe, is only for a little while. I see how it perfects our faith which is more precious than gold. And I have witnessed those who suffer choose, through their tears, to praise and worship our God who is worthy of glory and honor. God has been teaching me so much about trusting in his future grace. He is using the suffering of those around me to grow my faith and he is allowing me to witness the heart change of these loved ones who are struggling with things that I can’t begin to imagine dealing with.

As soon as I begin to feel guilty for the life that God has given me to live compared to the one that he has given to those around me I remember that we are all recipients of a future grace that proves this life to be temporary. The focus is not on the things that we have in this life, but how we glorify God in this life and hope for the one that is to come. I have learned to go without many things, but I have also learned to be thankful for the resources that God has given me and use them as selflessly as possible.

A quote from John Piper in his book Future Grace has served as a great encouragement to me these past few months. It says, “Only if we trust God to turn past calamities into future comfort can we look back with gratitude for all things…Be strong, and do not doubt that God will be as gracious in the future as he has been in the past.” I shared this with Esther as we sat and recounted all the ways that God has shown her grace in the past, and I was able to witness her tears turn from sorrow to rejoicing, she was not the only one who was praising God through their tears that afternoon. He is so good. He is so very good beyond anything that I can imagine or understand. The fact that we serve a God who can take terrible suffering and turn it into a glorious thing brings me comfort that surpasses all understanding.

Believer, contemplate your suffering today, whatever it might be, and rejoice. Rejoice because God is a loving, powerful, sovereign God who is for you, and secured for you a hope that is in heaven.

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

One of the nicer houses in the village. Bricks made by hand, built with love by the people who call this place home.

Cassava root. It looks gross, and sometimes it is, but it is a staple food around here. When in Rome...

Some kids from the nearby town. Who doesn't love a photo-op?

African Holidays

Seku Kulu Nnungi!! Time really does get away from you out here in the jungle; especially when it’s holiday season. So much has happened since my last post, and I’m terribly sorry that I have not been able to write any new updates.

But, the wait is over. I’m going to try and include as many pictures in this one as possible because I hear that they are worth 1,000 words or something…

The holiday celebrations here in Uganda are so so different from the ones in the States. There’s no electricity in the village so you can forget houses covered in Christmas lights, and snow is out of the question. So, you really have to get your head in the game when it comes to making it feel like Christmas is coming.

We started the season with a great Thanksgiving dinner with the SOS Staff, complete with chicken, mashed potatoes, squash casserole (to replace the sweet potatoes), green bean casserole, rolls, and pies. It was quite the task to cook it all up because we don’t have the modern conveniences from back home, so everything has to be made from scratch, including the onion rings for the casserole, and we can’t use a microwave or hand blender, so those mashed potatoes took some serious effort. But I have to say that the food was spectacular and we loved every minute of the 48 hours it took to prepare. I am so thankful for the family that I have out here in Uganda and their ability to bring a little bit of America to the jungle.

The American SOS Staff minus Laura who was taking the picture, and Nate who is hiding behind the Thanksgiving sign.

Pumpkin pie made from pumpkins fresh from the market.

Caramel Apple pie with homemade caramel sauce. De-lish.

Laura's famous dinner rolls.

The day after Thanksgiving we had a Christmas party at Legacy Christian Academy and the graduation ceremony for the kids. It was a huge event for all the parents in the village and the kids had been preparing for weeks leading up to the day. We had everything from poems to songs, skits, and dances. It was so sweet to see the little African shepherds and wise men coming to see Jesus in the manger built by one of the men in the village. When I wasn’t smiling from ear to ear at the cuteness, I was just thinking about how Jesus came to die for people from all nations. And even though we are all so different in culture, God can still be worshipped in so many different ways. But I have to admit, the African way might be the best…maybe I’m a little biased.

Go ahead, they are absolutely adorable.

My boy Tom. He just passed K-2 with flying colors!

Junior and his sweetie. I think that half the personality in the world was bundled up and put into this kid.

The church has been busting at the seams the past few weeks, we have seen so many new people come through our doors, and the messages leading up to Christmas have been pointed at everyone’s need for a Savior so we are just praying that peoples’ hearts are softened. The Sunday before Christmas we didn’t have Sunday morning church, but instead we had a Christmas concert that night. So, in order to be a part of the community and appease the demands of the villagers, I joined the choir. I had 2 weeks to learn 6 songs in Luganda and Swahili, along with dances. In the beginning I was convinced that I was just going to mouth some words and pretend like I was singing, but then people kept telling me that since I was the only Mzungu (white person) on stage, people would be watching me very closely so I had better get it right. So, I buckled down and I am proud to say that I learned each song along with its dance to the fullest extent. I can’t say that I looked like an African, but I sure sounded like one. In those moments I just laugh and thank God for the opportunity to not take myself so seriously and have fun with my friends. It was a great time. After the concert we showed the Nativity movie and served some popcorn with soda. It was quite the treat. That night might have been one of my favorites so far.

Daniel, Joshua, and Benja. Sunday school is always more interesting when they are around.

All I have to do is sit there and I am instantly surrounded with little hands putting my hair on their head and shouting, "Me a Mzungu!"

In the midst of all these holiday celebrations, one of the couples in our village had their wedding celebrations. Here in Uganda the man has to pay the dowry for his bride and they have to have an introduction ceremony as well as the modern wedding ceremony. The introduction ceremony is when the groom and his clan go to the house of the bride’s father and their whole clan is there and the groom has to be introduced to the bride’s clan or tribe. This is when the groom brings the dowry to the father and brothers of the bride. I was asked to be the photographer for the introduction, so I loaded up with the groom and his family along with chickens, fruit, coffee, and a very large cow and we started making our way to the bride’s father’s house. What would have taken us 45 minutes ended up taking 4 hours to get there because we had to stop so many times to pick things and people up along the way. That’s Africa for you. But we finally arrived; I put on my gomezi (the traditional Buganda dress) and got out my camera to start capturing the moments. What I didn’t know what that the speaker on the groom’s side had decided to make the guest of honor, so I was seated in the front with the groom as his sister and chosen to participate in multiple parts in the ceremony. It was just one other moment when I had to remember not to take myself too seriously. I was standing and sitting, kneeling, dancing, and giving gifts to different people the whole time. But the perk was at the end when I was invited to go into the house and eat the meal with the groom and his family. I have really come to love Ugandan food, and that was the finest of all Ugandan food, so I didn’t mind at all. 

This cow went on a wild ride to the introduction. I'm just glad I didn't have to sit in the back with him...

The gift presented to the bride's father and brothers. I think those poor chickens knew their lives were quickly coming to an end.

At the end of the ceremony, after 3 wardrobe changes, the bride served her groom soda and they danced around a little and then we headed back home.

The ceremony lasted about 4 hours. It starts with the groom’s clan arriving and the bride’s clan acts like they didn’t know he was coming and so when we all walked in they act surprised like they don’t know what is going on. Then the two sides sit to face each other and the groom sits in the back so the bride’s clan has to go and find him and put the proper hat on his head and coat around him. Once he is moved to the front with his sister, the ceremony can begin and different groups of people parade in dancing, gifts are presented, the bride is presented, the dowry is paid, and papers are signed. Basically, the father is selling his daughter to the groom’s clan. Daughters are big money makers over here. I pretty much had no idea what was going on most of the time, but I just did as I was told and took it all in. Ugandans are very expressive and colorful people. They will never turn down a good party and good food.

Fanci and Nsubuga after their wedding ceremony.

Lydia made such an adorable flower girl.

Fanci in her 5th dress of the wedding festivities. Cutting the cake always involves sparklers. I think I like it.

Life has been crazy around here. God has been doing some great things and he has been blessing me over and over again. I am getting to know so many of the people in the villages and they are welcoming me in with open arms. I have come to love these people so much and it didn’t take long at all. I pray that you had a great holiday season as well and were able to remember what a miracle it was for our Lord to leave his throne in heaven and come to live with sinful people like ourselves. Our God is so magnificent and loving. I pray that I can have that same kind of love for the people here in Uganda. Leaving America to come live in the jungle pales in comparison to what God did for us, but I have been so encouraged by his birth this year when I sit and think about it. I pray that God keeps me from forgetting how humble he was and that I would imitate that same humility even when the water isn’t hot, the power goes out, or I am just really craving some Chick-fil-a sauce.

When you can't get that Chick-fil-a sauce a fried grasshopper will do...you have to just go with what you have available on the side of the road.