It Was Always for My Sake

Easter is approaching. In the business of life I have really been caught off guard with how quickly it has arrived this year. We have been spending time in our Bible studies preparing our hearts for the weekend, but it still seems as if I have been completely unaware of the holiday’s arrival.

Today though we sat in a Bible study and listened to a detailed account of the crucifixion of Christ. It isn’t the first time that I have done something like that, but this time I did it while thinking on 2 Corinthians 5:21, “For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.”

For our sake. For my sake. 

 

Before I was brought into this world; before I was conceived; before my existence was even thought of, I put a man on a cross. My sin, oh how wretched it is, put an innocent man to death. That concept is a hard one to grasp because thinking before our existence requires stepping outside of our currently reality.

Many times when I think about what Christ did for me when he died, I think about it as him dying for whatever would happen in the future, not that he was dying for what he already knew was going to happen. That he was literally dying for sins that I had yet to commit, but were still known to him.

Easter is a time for rejoicing and a time for mourning. Mourning over our sin and how we are such imperfect people who need a Savior. And a time for rejoicing because our Savior came, and loved us so much that he drank the cup of wrath so that we never have to drink that cup.

I pray this is a reality in your life today; that you are rejoicing in the love shown by our selfless Savior.

I think one thing that the Lord has shown me since I have been out here is what a huge sinner I am. When you take time to go to another country to do ministry people always encourage you by telling you how brave you are, or how the Lord is going to use you in amazing ways. And while all of those things are comforting to the uncertain girl getting on a plane for an undefined period of time, they are also a slight distraction to the reality of the situation.

If anything, being out here in the jungle, confronted with many different situations and inconveniences, I have been floored by my sinfulness. This has been the fast track to sanctification, but I am ashamed to admit how many times I have failed and not responded in the way that I should. But, as always, God has been faithful to gently bring me back to himself and give grace.

This Easter I am reminded of my Savior and his selflessness. I am reminded that He didn’t die because I might be born and sin one day, but He died because He knew that He was creating me some 2,000 years later and that I was going to sin, but He wanted to save me.

Our God is all-knowing, sacrificial, spotless, and gracious in the way that He molds us daily. I can’t wait to celebrate these things this weekend with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Please be praying for the people that we are sharing with that their eyes would be opened to the fact that Jesus really did die for their sins.

More Precious Than Gold: Imperishable. Undefiled. Unfading.

I write this sitting outside with no shower for the 3^rd night in a row. No water. I am to the point that I am wishing for a cold shower right now. With how hot it has been for the past week the thought of the freezing water splashing all around me and running through my hair sounds like a spa treatment.

The honeymoon is over.

It has almost been 6 months since I landed here at Plot 157 Kubamitwe, Uganda; 6 wonderfully trying months. I have been encouraged, strengthened, pushed, and confronted in ways that I never expected. But no, really, most of this I didn’t expect. I expected the cold showers, no showers, bugs, lack of Target runs, and the severe absence of edible sushi. I expected to be challenged in my walk with the Lord, to grow in my faith, and to make friendships that would prove to be invaluable.

What I didn’t expect was the burdens that would be transferred from those that I have come to love to my heart. I didn’t expect to spend days and nights feeling as if my head is couldn’t hold one more thought. I didn’t expect the guilt that I would feel at the fact that I have never suffered as these people, that I have a seriously difficult time identifying.  

I have lost people close to me before, either to death or the fracturing of a relationship for one reason or another. I have felt the pressure to make ends meet when it comes to bills, tuition, rent, and groceries. I have been sick before, or known people close to me who have struggled with illness; but everything that I search my brain for and identify as some sort of trial pales in comparison to what those around me are dealing with.

Death, illness, broken families, hunger, anxiety, and depression are rearing their ugly head in the lives of those that I have come to love and been given the opportunity to minister to. Everyone has a story and not many of them have a happy ending.

A couple of weeks ago an elderly lady in one of my Bible studies lost her daughter to a botched surgery to remove the baby that she had just miscarried. Esther, the lady in my Bible study, has a heart condition which causes her to have a heart attack about once a month. Her daughter was the one who rushed her to the hospital, which is about 45 minutes away, each time that she would have an attack, and would provide the money for the treatment. Now that her daughter has passed away Esther is grieved because she has lost her daughter and anxious because there is no one who can care for her now. There is only so much that I can do in this situation. I can’t go and live with Esther, I can’t have her move in with us, I could pay for her hospital fees, but her village is about 30 minutes away from mine, so if she was to somehow reach me when she has an attack, it would take almost twice as long for me to get her to the hospital. This is when helplessness sets in pretty hard.

It is somehow difficult to go spend the day with someone in the village and help them wash their clothes by hand, pump their water from a bore hole, cook their meal over a charcoal fire, dig their food from their garden, and then sweep the dirt floor of their mud home and then go back to my cushy house that has running water, a stove, and even a new washing machine that I didn’t know how I was going to live without.

I have spent many nights praying and asking God to heal those around me. Heal them physically, spiritually, and relationally; but what I have come to see is that God can truly use suffering in someone’s life to bring glory to himself and to grow that person in their faith. I can’t count the number of times that I have heard this whether in church or a counseling class, but for the first time in my life I think that I actually believe it. I have actually come to believe 1 Peter 1:6-7 when it says, “in this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in PRAISE & GLORY & HONOR at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

I really believe that our suffering, no matter how severe, is only for a little while. I see how it perfects our faith which is more precious than gold. And I have witnessed those who suffer choose, through their tears, to praise and worship our God who is worthy of glory and honor. God has been teaching me so much about trusting in his future grace. He is using the suffering of those around me to grow my faith and he is allowing me to witness the heart change of these loved ones who are struggling with things that I can’t begin to imagine dealing with.

As soon as I begin to feel guilty for the life that God has given me to live compared to the one that he has given to those around me I remember that we are all recipients of a future grace that proves this life to be temporary. The focus is not on the things that we have in this life, but how we glorify God in this life and hope for the one that is to come. I have learned to go without many things, but I have also learned to be thankful for the resources that God has given me and use them as selflessly as possible.

A quote from John Piper in his book Future Grace has served as a great encouragement to me these past few months. It says, “Only if we trust God to turn past calamities into future comfort can we look back with gratitude for all things…Be strong, and do not doubt that God will be as gracious in the future as he has been in the past.” I shared this with Esther as we sat and recounted all the ways that God has shown her grace in the past, and I was able to witness her tears turn from sorrow to rejoicing, she was not the only one who was praising God through their tears that afternoon. He is so good. He is so very good beyond anything that I can imagine or understand. The fact that we serve a God who can take terrible suffering and turn it into a glorious thing brings me comfort that surpasses all understanding.

Believer, contemplate your suffering today, whatever it might be, and rejoice. Rejoice because God is a loving, powerful, sovereign God who is for you, and secured for you a hope that is in heaven.

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

One of the nicer houses in the village. Bricks made by hand, built with love by the people who call this place home.

Cassava root. It looks gross, and sometimes it is, but it is a staple food around here. When in Rome...

Some kids from the nearby town. Who doesn't love a photo-op?

Work Visa. Bed Bugs. Stolen iPhone. Rejoice. Repeat.

Learning to trust the Lord and see evidences of his grace in unwelcome situations is a lesson I seldom pray to learn. I understand the passages in the Bible that talk about rejoicing in your suffering, but I have never been inclined to pray for suffering. The last month here in Uganda hasn’t been what I would call “suffering” because I have been loving it so much and enjoying the time that I have here. But, I will say that the past two weeks have seen some very unwelcome situations.

Since I am going to be staying here for a year I have to apply for a work permit here in Uganda. The good thing is that I am not going to have to worry about applying multiple times while I am here, but the down side is that the process to be granted a work permit is a long one that requires a lot of persistence and patience with the Ugandan government and their employees.

The first step in this process is acquiring a background check, or as they call them, Certificates of Good Report. So, I go to the Interpol office in Kampala – a 3 hour trek from my village on bumpy roads – and wait in line just to get to the front and then find out that the lady has decided to go to lunch, which means that she may or may not come back, it really just depends on her mood for the day.

After learning this I emphatically expressed to the man working in the tent – yes, the office was in a tent – that I was from Luwero, and I had to come a long way to get here, so it would be great if I could be helped.

Well that caught his attention right away. He said he was originally from Luwero as well and he would love to help me. This turned into him running me around from one tent to another and getting all of these different people to weigh in on my situation which resulted in me needing to go to the US Embassy for an American Certificate of Good Behavior, then go to the bank and pay my fees and then come back to Interpol so that they could give me a Ugandan Certificate of Good Behavior.

My mind was spinning at this point. Which I guess he saw as his opportunity to get my number, because he then asked that I put my name and number on a piece of paper and he would contact me. So naturally I thought that it was official business so I took the bait, wrote down my information, and off I went flagging down the first boda man that I could find.

As soon as I arrived at the Embassy and survived the pat down at the gate I was greeted by a man who didn’t speak English – really? – but I continued to proceed to ask how to get my Certificate. He tried to communicate to me, but didn’t know enough English to answer my question, so he just handed me a piece of paper that told me to make an appointment for another day.

Discouragement was setting in pretty hard at this point.

Back on the home front, I am currently dealing with a bed bug situation that steals away hours of my sleep every night. We are waging war against these pests and while I think that we are gaining ground and seeing some progress, it’s still hard to wake up in the middle of the night itching and seeing 1, 2, sometimes 3 hours of sleep just disappear right before your eyes. But that’s the price you pay when you live in the bush and have an open door policy to whoever wants to stop by.

Then there was the trip to Kampala this past Saturday. All of the girls were going in to celebrate Laura’s birthday at a hotel pool then grab dinner. The trip started off with our brakes going out 20 minutes into the 3 hour trip, which meant that we had to drive slowly until we could make it to the mechanic. The Lord was gracious and we made it safely, but instead of waiting for the mechanic to fix the car Laura, Jackie, Bekah, and I decided to grab bodas to the hotel so we could go ahead and swim.

Naturally, my boda man was faster than the rest – I think it was his silky red shirt with the popped collar – and he took me on a route that I had never been before and before I knew it my friends were nowhere in sight. I was certain that he was taking me to some back alley to take all my money and leave me to fend for myself, but it turns out that the robbery wasn’t going to happen on the boda. He just wanted to take me the “beautiful route” by Lake Victoria. So, really it turned out that it was a really enjoyable ride and I arrived at the hotel right when my friends got there and we were all relieved that I hadn’t been abducted.

But soon after arriving at the hotel to swim I realized that sometime between entering and swimming for a bit that my iPhone had been stolen. I have no idea how it happened, and I don’t have the slightest clue as to who could have done it. All I know is that for 3 days now it has been in the hands of someone else and I will never see it again.

I had two options: I could make a big scene and ruin Laura’s birthday for everyone or I could just accept the fact that it was gone and move on. I realize that it’s a huge bummer that the phone is gone, that I can’t text my family and friends anymore, and I can’t Instagram (which is just so much fun), and that’s money that I can’t get back. But, I think that it’s really going to help me focus on my life here and not spend so much time trying to be in two worlds at one time. I think this can be a huge lesson in finding my satisfaction in God and not allowing it to ruin my attitude, upset me, or even worse, have a bad view of Ugandans, viewing them as thieves. But rather I should stay focused on why I am here: to love people and tell them about Jesus, and they don’t require I have an iPhone to do that.

God is good to teach me through things like this. He is good to give me opportunities to trust him. I’m not perfect and I can’t start to count the 1000’s of times I have responded wrongly, but I think God gave me grace in this situation to remember how blessed I am to be here and serve him and the people of Uganda. And that blessing comes with some bad knocks along the way, but not without his grace to press on.

God has given me grace to persevere through the work visa process, grace to wake up after a sleepless night battling with bed bugs and still have energy to face the day with excitement, and grace to remember that my iPhone is not meant to be a source of joy in my life. God’s grace has been evident these past 4 weeks and I am learning more and more how to lean on him and not on myself, in the good or the bad.

Really, losing my iPhone solved a little situation for me because the nice man from Interpol wouldn’t stop calling me and trying to find where I was staying, so now when he calls my number he’s only going to get a message telling him that the number is out of service. Praise the Lord, crisis averted.

God’s grace is sufficient for me; his power is made perfect in my weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insult, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)